“Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed[a] go free, and to break every yoke? Isaiah 58: 6 ESV I didn't grow up in a church that talked much about Lent. Or fasting for that matter. And if they did, I sure wasn't listening. So as an adult, I was kind of surprised that there WAS a season leading up to Easter. And I haven't been very serious about observing it until recently. I've tried food fasts and the proverbial "giving up chocolate for Lent," but in recent years, writers like Ann Voskamp, who urge other types of fasts, have caught my attention. My dear friend, Marjie gave me a book last year that has stayed in my mind and I'm revisiting it again this year. The book is 40 Days of Decrease by Alicia Britt Chole. She advocates giving up of things such as regrets, tidy faith that relies on platitudes, or stinginess. The express purpose is to diminish ourselves, so that there is room for Jesus to be larger in us. Silly me. I thought it would be easier than fasting desserts or bread. And I jumped right in with a proclamation to my girls that I was "fasting judgement" and fasting trying to "explain God." Oh my--the next day I asked God to show me where I was judging other people. It wasn't pretty. Seems I have this idea that I can determine motives of other drivers who cut me off in traffic or dare to try to merge into my lane on 435 on the way to work. I had pre-conceived ideas of what projects colleagues would or would not take on at work. It was brutal when I began to examine my thoughts the way God might see them. It was tough and it was hard and I didn't respond very well. I went kind of numb and withdrew. I turned my face from the One who loves me unconditionally. I focused on a busy work schedule, on learning new skills, and making sure dinner was fabulous every night. Those are all good things and I was busy, but inside I was lost and feeling off-center, missing something. The course correction involved confession. I had to confess how totally oblivious I have been of my lack of love for people I come across daily and how much I need for Him to show me my faulty thinking. And I wonder at my natural inclination to run and hide from the One who only wants to extend love and grace to me. Again I know that I am in desperate need of Him to keep looking for me until I give in and become found. Again I know that being numb is not where I want to be. So the hard work of Lent begins. I think it will be good.
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May 2020
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