I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy. It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world. So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy. John 16:20-22 NLT When people ask how I'm doing these days, I usually respond as honestly as I can, "I have good days and I have bad days." I guess more honest would be to replace the word "days" with "minutes." I'm trying to name and acknowledge feelings and one that I've noticed a lot is grief. Today, in between Good Friday and Easter, I'm allowing myself to feel the tension of the middle. Fresh in my mind is the reading of the gospel summary of the political events that climaxed with Jesus dying on the cross. We celebrated the graphic story and remembered Jesus' life and death with a meaningful communion celebration at home and online. And I know that Resurrection Sunday is coming. But today is Saturday--the day in the middle-- and I feel the grief and tension of the disciples. The shame and the anger and the unfairness of the events of Friday. They were frantically trying to process what just happened, but they had to have been absolutely numb. Could they sleep to escape? Did they talk about it? Or were there just no words? The brutality of the Roman government was fresh in their minds--how could it not produce fear? We're in the middle too--and grief is an emotion we have in common with the disciples. We grieve loss of people and loss of physical presence. We grieve the loss of mobility, loss of income, and a school year ending without celebration. Like the disciples, we are a people waiting, perhaps in a stunned disbelief, not knowing exactly when this season will end. There is tension here in the middle. On this Saturday--more than past years-- we remember what the disciples faced that Saturday long ago. Jesus was still dead. The day drug on and on. And Jesus’ words--spoken immediately before his death? We have the luxury of seeing them in print-- the disciples had not yet remembered them. But Jesus' words were already true and they are what we hold on to-- just as surely as grief comes, so will joy. So will He. While we wait, we're in the middle, and we hold the tension of two opposing emotions existing together-- grief from loss, and expectation of joy. Our hands are open for both. We live not knowing when the season will end, but we do know that Jesus is with us, and His presence is joy! And tomorrow--we'll celebrate Jesus' Resurrection. We'll marvel again at a stone rolled away and an empty tomb. And we will know with certainty that when our own time of waiting is over, God will have answered our prayers far more abundantly than all we can fathom or even begin to ask. We'll celebrate joy. Praying for joy in the middle, Jan
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"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it. I have made a pathway in the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:19 NLT I tried to quiet myself this weekend. Oddly enough, I found that difficult. In a stay-at-home world, I’ve been slightly overwhelmed by the constant noise from the very electronic devices that are keeping me connected to others. You too?
I found I had to move away from those devices. Thankfully, wonderfully, Sunday turned into a sunny, warm day with only a slight amount of wind and I couldn’t help but sit and gaze on my backyard. I kept thinking of unfinished tasks and rising to leave, but the garden was mesmerizing. I began to list with pencil and paper all the new beginnings I noticed in my garden. I spied a few rogue tulips, leftover from previous year’s plantings. The crabapple and redbud trees have swollen buds, and the daffodils have multiplied. Emerging hosta tips are either blanched white or spring green, depending, I think, on the variety. And last week's territorial clashes among my usually docile birds have subsided. One solitary robin hops across the grass, cocking his ear and occasionally thrusting his beak down for food. My backyard retreat was relaxing because the surroundings were so very familiar, something I purposely seek out these days. Surprisingly though, today I was attracted by things new and previously unseen. As I thought about it, I realized that I could use the same process of lists to identify the things I notice God doing around me these days. I’ve noticed gratitude everywhere and I certainly have had opportunities to practice it recently. In my household, I’m suddenly aware of things I barely noticed when I left for work each day. I hear the trash team rolling through the neighborhood, and I’m grateful they’re removing the rubble that I just can’t. I’m grateful for the delivery people bringing goods to our door, the innovative IT people creating new ways to connect us. I’m oh so thankful for the agile and nimble leadership I’m seeing in the Church to transition us to new formats for worship and bible study, protecting us from loneliness and isolation. And at the top of my gratitude list is my husband who LOVES to clean around here! I notice things like sunshine and the gift of breath and those things move me to thank my good, good Heavenly Father. I’ve noticed signs of new growth— not only in the garden, but in my friends. I am amazed at new dreams and visions, new ministries birthed, new kindnesses extended. Babies enter this world, unaware of our distraction. Children are still laughing and playing games. Friends find ways to touch hearts even when they can't hug. I’ve noticed that small things bring contentment: a cookie and a cup of tea, time to read a book, a text from a friend, a grandchild’s smile. More than serene acceptance, beyond the feeling of satisfaction, contentment involves not wanting anything more or anything else. I’d like to grow in learning to be content—maybe in areas like being content with my location, with the work of my hands, with my place in the world, or content with my people and how we interact today. I feel the practice of contentment with my circumstances will make the next few weeks go easier with fewer distractions or bumps. Are there new things God is doing in you, too? Precious Father, I'm asking for a clear 2020 vision to see the newness breaking through in Your story and our lives today. And may that awareness give us joy. Amen. By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God’s call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home. When he left he had no idea where he was going. By an act of faith he lived in the country promised him, lived as a stranger camping in tents. Isaac and Jacob did the same, living under the same promise. Abraham did it by keeping his eye on an unseen city with real, eternal foundations—the City designed and built by God. Hebrews 12: 8-10 Message I've been searching for a map to navigate the new reality we all find ourselves in. I'm having a hard time recognizing the landscape right now-- my life is so different from just 10 days ago. What does faith look like in a time when nothing looks familiar? I thought that reading the roll call of the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11 might offer some insights and sure enough, these two verses about Abraham interrupted my search. Faith, it turns out, is an action and Abraham's actions are pretty clearly defined here. Here are 3 things I learned: Abraham said yes. I don't know what God is asking you to do during this time, but I bet it's not what you're usually doing. Maybe you suddenly find yourself homeschooling, or setting up a home office. Maybe meeting a community need with your sewing skills or donating to a food pantry is on your heart. Maybe you just need to spend time playing games with the kiddos. Whatever it is, whatever God has put on your heart, say yes. Just do it. I don't know if Abraham had the option to remain behind or not, but we don't. It's just easier to say yes and get going on our next right thing. He left. And get this-- he had no idea where he was going! He left the comfortable; he left the known for a great unknown. Whew, I feel better now-- Abraham didn't have a map either! But he ended up where God directed him-- in the country promised to him. I think we can trust as we begin to walk through our new reality that as we seek him daily, we will end up in the place God desires. Not everything can be taken on this journey. Anything that weighs you down, needs to be left behind. Some suggestions? Leave judgement behind, or perfectionism, or fear--nothing weighs quite so much as fear. And for this journey, pack lightly--a cheerful heart, willing hands, and maybe a sense of humor will help. And he lived in the country promised him. In a tent! Okay, seriously, how did he talk Sarah into that? But he didn't show up as the landowner, or the conquering hero, he came as a wanderer, a visitor, an immigrant. So sister, if you're not feeling real permanent right now, I think that's all right. You see, we were never meant to feel comfortable in this world. It's not our home. That's what Abraham knew and what the writer of Hebrews reveals at this point. Abraham focused on the eternal promise instead of the place he resided at the moment. That's what faith looks like. And that's how we can flourish in a new environment too-- by keeping our eyes on our own eternal city of promise. Here's what we have that escaped Abraham, our God dwells within us, constantly available to bring comfort and direction. Rest in His presence every single minute. God, may we walk in courage and faith as we find our place in Your Kingdom right now. Peace, Jan May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. Eph 1: 2 NLT May God’s grace be eternally upon all who love our Lord Jesus Christ. Eph 6: 24 NLT With very little fanfare we finished our 6-week study of Ephesians and 7-week round-up of Bible Study Methods. What were your main take-aways? What mattered to you about what you learned? I felt that I finally reduced Inductive Bible Study to its simplest possible form: Observe, Interpret, and Apply. The idea of sitting down with any passage of scripture and navigating through it now seems possible to me. I still like my prompts and I'm dependent on my journal (or as my grandson calls it as he totes it around "our secret history map,") but I now understand that the whole process helps turn God's Word into my life story. And Ephesians, you sweet book of only 6 chapters containing God's amazing purpose for the Church and for me-- how can I reduce you to only one theme? I struggled with this until one final reread focused my eyes on the one word that Paul began and ended with: grace. It was grace that brought Jesus to the cross and grace that opened my eyes to Him there. Grace propels those lavish spiritual blessings upon us daily-- redemption and renewal are possible only because of grace. Our purpose and ambitions are defined by grace. And our Father's love is revealed to us because of His gracious nature. Grace is the thing I will take with me from this study. Grace beginning my study and my days, grace ending my meditations and my nights. May you know His hope, may you know His love, may you feel and be aware of constantly, His grace. If grace really changes everything, then LET it change everything. Amen. -Jan Truth? Ephesians 5 beat me up this week. I was decked with that first verse. Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. I sat and stared at that verse and really could only think of the times that I've been a poor copy of me, not a reproduction of my Heavenly Papa. How could Paul even think that imitating God is even possible for those of us who work and drive children to appointments and sweep the kitchen floor for the third time today. Until I began thinking of what it meant to be His dear child. You know how you laugh at the silly things your kiddos say? And think that the dancing toddler is adorable? And put their pictures on the buffet or the refrigerator or anywhere you can find a place? That's how God looks at us. Beyond that--there is a new reality. He planted His own life, His DNA, deep in our hearts and well, we actually ARE becoming an imitator of God. Just like our physical genetics determine how we look, His Spirit has given us the potential to become just like Him. Turning back to Him, realizing He has already provided me with what I need, that was the turning point in my week. Now I can look at Paul's list of "to-do's" and start making plans to proceed. -Jan I'm finishing up some of my last notes about Ephesians 4 today and couldn't get over the word picture that Paul painted in my mind. He took such care to contrast the old life he wanted believers to leave behind with the new life he wants Christians to put on. Old and new, endings and beginnings, past and present, are all available in our closet so to speak.
Every day when I wake up, I put on physical clothing. You know--take off the pajamas and robe and slippers and get into the exercise clothing or the work clothing, depending on the schedule. And Paul says I'm not finished there. I need to take off old ways and put on the new. I started to make a list of specifics to remove and put on when it suddenly occurred to me--this undressing and re-dressing takes place in my mind. Look at what Paul says needs to come off:
Now that we're unclothed, so to speak, let's get dressed:
So if we're holding onto any lies about God or ourselves which don't align with the previous three chapters of Ephesians, dump them. If we for one minute entertain the notion that God doesn't see or love us-- that we aren't chosen, take it off--it doesn't fit! If we think that this time we've really messed up God's plan, girlfriends, get that thought out of your head and by all means, put it in the trash can! Put on the truth, rehearse God's love toward you and His promises IN YOUR MIND. Verbalize them--every day as you're dressing. Because this thinking stuff--it's hard work. But now that we know where to begin, we can get dressed for our day. Thanking God today for His power at work in you and me- Jan Grace and peace to all of you who made the trip to IF:Lead. In part, I'm writing to you to sort out my own thoughts about the events of the past few days, but also I want to offer a larger perspective, and provide a context for what our trip might mean for our churches. I hope what I say here will be helpful to you as you reflect and dream about your own next steps. And then I want to move us all forward. I don't have enough words to describe the privilege it was to share this time with you and to attend IF:Lead. The desire for deep and tender relationships with other women has long been a strong thread woven through my life and I cherish meaningful time spent with all of you. This fan girl's heart was content and happy to be in the same room and learn from Tasha Morrison, Ann Voskamp, and Jill Briscoe. And Jennie. Of course. But never, ever will I forget the sheer joy of recognizing Priscilla Shirer walking onstage and realizing that she had something important to share with us. And as I've flipped back through my notes, it's Priscilla's teaching about the loaves and fishes being the gift to the multitude and the multitude being the gift to the disciples that stands out to me. How using what was readily available and offering it to Jesus ultimately filled everyone's need so that everyone left full and satisfied. It's exactly that upside-down, inside-out, topsy-turvy, kind of gospel thinking that I love and that God is using to transform my perceptions of my world. I'm no longer praying to take the multitude away or take me out of the picture, but I'm thanking God for the multitude of miracles He's using in my life. I believe that's what I came to Dallas to find. It is not lost on me that twelve of us made this trip and that we represent a multitude of different gifts and areas of service to the church. Not all of you feel called to women's ministry, but I truly hope that you will continue leading with us, dreaming with us, and gathering your women with us. I believe I see a shift into a Cross Points Women's Ministry 2.0 where we no longer just host events, but actually embrace and disciple women from CPC and beyond. And you are just the women that God is using to do that in oh so many ways. I am praying that every woman we connect with feels seen, loved, and accepted in our midst and that barriers of age, ethnicity, and economics be torn down. My vision for us is that we love each other well. We're going to take the lead in supporting and maintaining community with our sisters in other churches, and in other ministries. That means that all of us are available to each other as you begin those next steps that you're dreaming about. We'll pray, laugh, and cry with you. We'll do the hard things, trust and obey. We will share resources, gifts and talents and I pray that we look more and more like the early church--loving fellowship, breaking bread, and sharing prayers. Never forget that you were commissioned as you knelt in our midst, prayed for by both your sisters around you and by Jennie Allen. I know God will be faithful to speak to you in the coming days and months and years about your dreams and His plans for you. As you prayerfully go over your notes, I want you to know that I'm also praying for you by name. I'm asking for these things: --May you recognize the tools in your hands. --May you love God's Word and people well. --May you continue to dream. --May you see beyond the natural and hear the things unspoken. --May the path before your feet be straightened. --May you acknowledge the Lord's presence and calling in your lives with wonder. When Jennie signed my Nothing to Prove book after the tour, she shared a word that things would be different in our church for generations because of that night. I believe that the 12 of us traveling to IF:Lead was the beginning of fulfillment of that prophecy. I am so excited to walk with all of you as God works through us for His purposes in the days to come. It is my highest honor to do so. I am available to each of you for support at any time and I really hope to share coffee or tea with you often in the months ahead to chase those dreams. Between now and November 1, when we plan to meet again, would you please take just a few minutes and write down as best you can, the dreams that God is giving you going forward? And would you concentrate on one and figure out what your next step toward it will be? That is what I hope we will share and pray for when we meet next. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. I Timothy 1: 6, 7 In peace, with love, Jan Nothing to Prove Book Club started this week and our women are processing exactly what freedom from pretending and performing might look like. During the evening, we talked about living in the tension between the beauty and the mess of our lives. We agreed that we want to avoid separating our lives into silos, and instead allow the everyday and the mundane parts of life to become important in view of our place in God's story. Jennie cites the stories of Abraham, Noah, David, and Paul, among others, as examples of heroes who lived their lives in small moments, acquiring skills and learning about God until it was time to step up to their part of His plan. The point being that the everyday learning, the regular people type moments were part of a large plan and every bit as holy and noble. I think we could also look at Sarah, who fought her own battle with infertility (and jealousy, and at least one questionable decision along the way), yet became the mother of the promise. What about Elizabeth who sent her husband off to work at the Temple and he came home unable to speak? Guess who had all the explaining to do when it turned out she was pregnant with the one who announced the arrival of the Messiah? My thought is that when we study these people, we concentrate on their great battles or victories and we've often overlooked their everyday lives. I'm inspired to think how they made it all work. I've wondered about Sarah's thoughts while she was washing up dishes after some desert banquet. How did she still the taunt ringing in her ears that a baby was no longer a possibility as the long-ago promise of an heir became harder to recall. What desperation drove her to bring her handmaiden to Abraham and hand her over? And I can't even imagine what she said to her husband on the morning he saddled up the donkey and two of his servants and began the trek with Isaac to the land of Moriah. On the day Zechariah was struck dumb, Elizabeth began a season of ministry to her husband, to her visiting pregnant cousin, and to a newborn babe devoted to the Lord. Both of these women ran households, held countless conversations, lived within their culture, took care of husbands, and managed to keep their families afloat all while accomplishing their work in God's history. They were faithful in the everyday activities, the small tasks and that's what enabled them to walk out their faith. I'm inspired. To love God more, to love my people more. To look for ways to do my everyday chores with more joy. To find God in the dishes and the laundry and the conversations I have everyday. To not waste another minute. Because if God is in my everyday, I certainly want to find Him and figure out how to advance His story. “Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed[a] go free, and to break every yoke? Isaiah 58: 6 ESV I didn't grow up in a church that talked much about Lent. Or fasting for that matter. And if they did, I sure wasn't listening. So as an adult, I was kind of surprised that there WAS a season leading up to Easter. And I haven't been very serious about observing it until recently. I've tried food fasts and the proverbial "giving up chocolate for Lent," but in recent years, writers like Ann Voskamp, who urge other types of fasts, have caught my attention. My dear friend, Marjie gave me a book last year that has stayed in my mind and I'm revisiting it again this year. The book is 40 Days of Decrease by Alicia Britt Chole. She advocates giving up of things such as regrets, tidy faith that relies on platitudes, or stinginess. The express purpose is to diminish ourselves, so that there is room for Jesus to be larger in us. Silly me. I thought it would be easier than fasting desserts or bread. And I jumped right in with a proclamation to my girls that I was "fasting judgement" and fasting trying to "explain God." Oh my--the next day I asked God to show me where I was judging other people. It wasn't pretty. Seems I have this idea that I can determine motives of other drivers who cut me off in traffic or dare to try to merge into my lane on 435 on the way to work. I had pre-conceived ideas of what projects colleagues would or would not take on at work. It was brutal when I began to examine my thoughts the way God might see them. It was tough and it was hard and I didn't respond very well. I went kind of numb and withdrew. I turned my face from the One who loves me unconditionally. I focused on a busy work schedule, on learning new skills, and making sure dinner was fabulous every night. Those are all good things and I was busy, but inside I was lost and feeling off-center, missing something. The course correction involved confession. I had to confess how totally oblivious I have been of my lack of love for people I come across daily and how much I need for Him to show me my faulty thinking. And I wonder at my natural inclination to run and hide from the One who only wants to extend love and grace to me. Again I know that I am in desperate need of Him to keep looking for me until I give in and become found. Again I know that being numb is not where I want to be. So the hard work of Lent begins. I think it will be good. So the forsythia bloomed. Last week. In February. I don't remember that happening before. And it's kind of funny because I meant to be so much further along with this website. I've had it in my plans for months and intended to get it done in between my semesters--you know, back at holiday time? But I didn't. And now you're going to get access to it anyway. It's one of the things I've learned. Just get started. One step in front of the other. And someday it will be that body of work that I intended. In the meantime, this is kind of a sandbox area to play with ideas. So you want to come with me? I hope you like it and it's a place to meet and share ideas. Let's just try it, ok? |
AuthorLoving words written to increase hope. Archives
May 2020
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